What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:30
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why is there no great temptress figure in any of Tolkien’s major works?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was 9 years of age.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Would this be the day?
How do great movie moments influence how people handle real-life moral dilemmas?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
I will be 64.
Why are men today so pussiefied?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So, i spoilt her more .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
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I couldn’t, believe it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is soul school!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But, we were locked up after school.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were not on the streets..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So whats the point in blame.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it wasn’t much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I have no regrets .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What did i know ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She wouldn,t have been !
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why did i forgive my father ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She loved him until the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
I said to her
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was in good health!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I waited trembling.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
All the time i was locked up.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Put me off passion for life!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ive learnt so much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot live in the past .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!